"Can you hear me now...?"

(Background info...) I guess I've been very selfish in my prayers lately. Today at church, instead of a song, we had a silence tat lasted roughly the length of one song. I liked the idea, but it was a little bit weird at first. But once I closed my eyes and began to pray, it felt good. And even as I write this, I am reminded how important it is to really meditate on God.

So here's a confession:
I realized that with all the big questions in my life right now, I may not be getting answers because I'm asking too much and in a really selfish way. This is the way I worded my prayer in my mind: "God show me what my role is at school, church etc."
What a halfhearted way of asking... I guess what God pointed out to me, which was very humbling, was that asking God to show direction all the time is not a way of fully surrendering. Though it might be the way to pray in certain situations, for me, this is not what I should be praying.
I guess it should sound more like this:
"God, I'm listening."
Give God the question wholly and completely. Then listen. Don't ask all the time.
... Now I'm picturing a little kid always asking something, over and over, repeating him or herself.
If we always do that, how can we possibly hear an answer.
So.
God, I'm listening.

Beloved

Wow. What a song: Beloved (by Tenth Avenue North).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6CUGTIWCFyo


This is such a good band. Some of there songs are so deep because they speak as if God were speaking directly to the listen. And what they say in their songs is often real, heart puncturing truth. You feel that ache or longing right in your heart. It's not painful, but there is just something so strong there that can only be the presence of God. So- heart puncturing? Not making sense. I guess a better word would be heart wrenching. When something really wrenches at your heart- or that area around your heart.

The lyrics go like this:

You're My beloved
Lover I'm yours
Death shall not part us
It's you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we'll be
My Love it unites us
And it binds you to Me
It's a mystery.

Musically, the song is quite simple. But for me, that adds to the meaning behind the song. Just looking at the lyrics... they sound like wedding vows. The thing is, that only God is the one who will ever, ever completely be able to fulfill these vows. And then it says, "Death shall not part us". Where as our wedding vows state, "Till death do we part." (I'm not putting down wedding vows- because it is what we need to strive for- but Jesus is our hope and future. He will not ever, ever leave us). Jesus can more than completely fulfill wedding vows. Maybe these lyrics are this bands take on what God's vows would look like if he were to say them to us.

Amazing.

Amazing Grace.

Thank you God.

Hi

Hey Everyone who might one day read this. What is the point of blogging? I think it's to either share your life with other, or usually thoughts that occur during the day- or night- as it often is in my case. I started blogging while I was away at bible school in Spain, and found that it really is good way to sort out my thoughts. Because when my thoughts are written- they usually turn out much different that what I had in my head. So since May when I got back from Europe I wanted to start a blog. Well here it finally is.