Little Miss Grumpy

What is the best thing to do when one is overwhelmed with emotions? Blog it.
Right now I am feeling really grumpy. I really just want to complain and have someone feel really bad for me. But I don't think that can be justified... my real reasons for being grumpy are because life isn't the way I want it to be and I didn't get enough sleep and I am feeling overwhelmed. There. That was the complaining.
I was so grumpy that I typed 'grumpy' into google.
This is what I got:


1. grump·y

adjective /ˈgrəmpē/  grumpier, comparative; grumpiest, superlative Bad-tempered and sulky

That made me feel better. I was so grumpy that I typed the word "Grumpy" into google, and that came up. His voice was funny, and it was just kind of comical. Just type it into google yourself, and you will see.

2. Along with the dictionary definition of grumpy appeared an image of Grumpy from Snow White. At first I rejected the slightest notion that I was similar to him, then I saw a picture of Grumpy with his hands on his hips. Yep. That is me. Today was the 2nd day out of two that I was caught at work with my hands on my hips when I was grumpy, and imitated...

Yes, that is a spitting image of me, except in a male-bearded version. I guess this is my mood right now, I have been grumpy all night. And I don't take pride in that fact, although it is humourous when I think about how I am looking or acting. But it is not fun for my family. For some reason I am always the harsh-est on my family, probably because I know that they will forgive me. Isn't that a little bit sad...? And I know I do the same with God. Sometimes my thinking heads in the direction of..."I can do whatever I want because I know God will forgive me again."
How wrong I am. Though he will forgive me, I'm guessing that I have to be sincere about it too...

Ok... this blog-post really did make me feel better. And I did it without having to put a real person through my misery, except now I am going to post this on facebook too.. just to make it public.

Anyways, it's late now and class calls tomorrow morning, so goodnight everyone!
And don't forget to hug a grumpy person you love!
Because we all need hugs, even when we're grumpy!

Hi.
This semester I am taking a poetry class. My reasoning behind it was because it would be an easy English course to take. That is a bad reason. But I learning a lot in the class, and I actually like it quite a bit. My reasons for taking it were really shallow, but I actually really like it now, and I getting into some cool stuff. I have come across two poems in particular that really have spoken to me. One of them is called 'Holy Sonnet 14' and it's written by john Donne. His main career was as a preacher, and in that, wrote some really incredible stuff. This poem goes through so many emotions on a spiritual level. For me, I read about temptation, pain, shame, guilt, forgiveness, and an unconditional and mysterious love.
What do you get out of it?




Batter my heart, three-person'd God ; for you
As yet but knock ; breathe, shine, and seek to mend ;
That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
Your force, to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurp'd town, to another due,
Labour to admit you, but O, to no end.
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
But is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betroth'd unto your enemy ;
Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again,
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor ever chaste, except you ravish me. 


'Holy Sonnet 14' 
John Donne (1633)

Job

This post nicely follows the last one I did. It's about my first challenge (the challenge to read my bible, and read it everyday). So I am reading through a study that takes you through the bible chronologically. I started with the beginning of Genesis, and then, to my surprise, I was taken to Job- withour finishing Genesis, huh!? Pretty cool. Apparently it comes sooner than it was placed in the bible. But along with being wowed, I was also disappointed, because I finished reading Job at the beginning of Decemeber. I had never read it, adn really wanted to for a while, so I finally read the book in November. Then all of a sudden I have to read it again? Oh well, there must be a reason :)
And I guess I have started to look at the book differently, in reading it through a second time. My dad actually told me today that I should read important things through twice, to get the real meaning.

While reading through the book, there was a passage that stood out to me. In chapter 7, verses 6-21, Job cries out to God saying:


Job 7:6-21
Job Cries Out to God

 ⁶ “My days fly faster than a weaver’s shuttle.
      They end without hope.
 ⁷ O God, remember that my life is but a breath,
      and I will never again feel happiness.
 ⁸ You see me now, but not for long.
      You will look for me, but I will be gone.
 ⁹ Just as a cloud dissipates and vanishes,
      those who die^[a] will not come back.
 ¹⁰ They are gone forever from their home—
      never to be seen again. ¹¹ “I cannot keep from speaking.
      I must express my anguish.
      My bitter soul must complain.
 ¹² Am I a sea monster or a dragon
      that you must place me under guard?
 ¹³ I think, ‘My bed will comfort me,
      and sleep will ease my misery,’
 ¹⁴ but then you shatter me with dreams
      and terrify me with visions.
 ¹⁵ I would rather be strangled—
      rather die than suffer like this.
 ¹⁶ I hate my life and don’t want to go on living.
      Oh, leave me alone for my few remaining days.
 ¹⁷ “What are people, that you should make so much of us,
      that you should think of us so often?
 ¹⁸ For you examine us every morning
      and test us every moment.
 ¹⁹ Why won’t you leave me alone,
      at least long enough for me to swallow!
 ²⁰ If I have sinned, what have I done to you,
      O watcher of all humanity?
   Why make me your target?
      Am I a burden to you?
 ²¹ Why not just forgive my sin
      and take away my guilt?
   For soon I will lie down in the dust and die.
      When you look for me, I will be gone.”

Job is an inspiration and a role model to me because he reminds me that life is not always easy- and even when it is hard, we often fool ourselves in front of our friends, or pretend that everything is alright. Job is so honest, and his plea to God is almost... refreshing? It says it all in the title: Job CRIES OUT to God. Job is NOT doing okay and he pleads and cries and gives himself to God, completely!  
     And then there's the fact that so many of the things that Job says in the passage accurately describe moments in my life, in the past and even now. Job is not kidding, he is the 'real deal'. Maybe I feel like I can really relate to Job, and it makes me happy and at peace, knowing that it is in the Bible, God's Holy word. The word that God INSPIRED! 


I am excited about this. I was reading Job again this morning, envision in a production (play) in my head. But I don't think that will go over well.
Instead I'll turn to God and praise him, that even in the hard times, when we want to despair, God is there.


Christi

2012

Woohoo! First post of 2012!

So what to write about? I always hear of people around me who take time to relfect on the past year, and taking time to make resolutions. I always thought that it was a nice idea, and I would like to do it one day. But I didn't give myself time. I am like that. I am someone who pictures myself doing a million things, and pretend that's what I would do if I was that person. I do it a lot. I've labelled it "my ideal self". But that's not what this post is about  (though I am working on getting rid of that ideal self. I don't think it's healthy- it is more negative expectations I have made for myself based on what I "think" society wants). Anyways, I wanted to talk about something else. I finally did sit down and relfect on the past year... kind of.

I have these two letters I wrote. One at Gardom Lake Bible Camp in summer of 2010, and one when I was in Spain in March 2011. They are both letters that I wrote to reflect on my time in both of thos places. The activity then concluded with us placing the letter in an address marked for home and sealing the envelope. The letter was to be sent to us 6 months later. They did successfully make it to me, but I never opened them- just waiting for the perfect time.

Well, I finally opened them today, and from that time of reflection came two goals for this year (I don't like the word resolution because it has such a negative stigma around it...). Here are the goals:

1. I will attempt to read three chapters in my bible each day. I am setting aside a half an hour to read and pray. This will be a way that I can start the day on a positive note, challenge myself to read my bible, get close to God, and have some quiet time during the day. Time to relfect and think- which I realized I don't do enough when the thought of relfecting on the last year didn't seem to have even a chance of happening! There are so many good reasons that come from starting my day this way.

2. Relationships. This is a hard one for me. I am going to challenge myself to work on relationships this year. I feel that the relationships that I have in my life, with my family and friends, and most importantly, with God, could be at a much better place than they are right now. And I believe that starts with me being open and vulnerable. Oh, this is going to be a hard one!

Well, good luck to all of you who are also challenging yourselves this year. More importantly, may God walk with you and guide you through the next year!

Christi

²⁴ “The LORD bless you 
   and keep you; 
²⁵ the LORD make his face shine on you 
   and be gracious to you; 
²⁶ the LORD turn his face toward you 
   and give you peace."

Numbers 6:24-26